The Poker Game
by linlawless
Summary: When Carly proposes a winner-take-all game of poker, Elizabeth's erstwhile fairy godmother -- Bungi from Atuliel's Mobs 'R' Us -- stacks the deck in her favor ...


**The Poker Game**

_A/N: Thanks to DericaAtuliel for the loan of her original character Bungi, and for the chat that inspired this idea, and for the lovely banner, which you can see at my site, if you're interested. The link is in my profile._

_All other characters belong to ABC, not to me._

"Come on, Elizabeth! This is the way to settle the question of who Jason belongs to, once and for all. What, are you chicken or something?" Carly's voice became taunting as she tried to get her way. Elizabeth was tempted to agree, just to shut the annoying woman up. "Look, I know you're probably such a goody-goody that you don't know how to play poker, but we don't have to do it today … I'll give you a week or two to learn how to play. Go ahead and get someone to teach you … I bet Luke would do it."

Elizabeth rolled her eyes and stared at the fountain in the middle of the park. It was just like Carly to assume that Luke hadn't already taught her how to play poker years ago. Too bad Jason _didn't_ belong to Carly, and that the whole idea of making him the stakes of a poker game was anathema. Luke had once told her that with her innocent eyes, she could bluff with the best of them. In fact, he had eventually stopped playing with her because she always won – he had taught her too well, and he just couldn't read her at all.

Now, she said, "Carly, will you stop? Jason is not a piece of property – you can't just ante him up and then deal for him."

"Sam and Courtney agreed," Carly wheedled.

Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "And you think _those_ two rocket scientists are my role models?" she scoffed. Carly started to reply, but Elizabeth spoke over her. "Forget it, Carly, and go away. I'm busy, and I'm done with this conversation." Rather than wait for Carly to leave, Elizabeth turned and stalked away herself.

"The offer's open if you change your mind," Carly called after her. "It'll only work if we all agree to it. Jason will go along with it if I tell him to!" Elizabeth just kept walking, thinking that Carly was delusional if she really thought Jason would agree to be the sole property of whoever won the poker game on Carly's say-so.

Fifteen minutes later, Elizabeth sat on a bench staring out at the water, trying to calm down. Carly grated on her nerves on a _good_ day, but _this_ took the cake.

After a while, Elizabeth was suddenly startled by an iridescent flash! She looked warily around, and spied a tallish woman eating popcorn and occasionally tossing a piece to the white cat at her feet. "Who – who are you?"

"Call me Bungi," the woman replied, nodding sagely. "Think of me as your fairy godmother. Sort of. Except I'm not the kind of fairy godmother who's all sweetness and light and 'oh, you poor dear, let's get you dressed for the ball.'"

Her curiosity overriding her initial fear, Elizabeth asked cautiously, "Oh? What kind of fairy godmother are you, then?"

"The kind that smacks you upside the head to make you think more clearly about the offer Wonder-bitch just made." Bungi proceeded to smack Elizabeth's head.

"Ow!" Elizabeth yelled. "What _about_ that ridiculous offer? Jason doesn't belong to Carly, so she can't bargain him away in a poker game."

"Well, of course Jason doesn't belong to Carly – he belongs to you. Everyone with any sense knows that. Have you _seen_ how he looks at you?"

"Well, yeah, I guess," Elizabeth said doubtfully. "But I don't think he'd like it very much if I played poker to win him."

"Pffft!" Bungi dismissed that thought with a flick of her wrist. "Jason will be so relieved and happy that he's actually with you, without any interference from the three bitchy bimboes, that he won't care how it happened. And he won't even miss them when they disappear."

"Um, Bungi," Elizabeth said carefully, "I know I'm a good poker player and all, but … what if I lose? And what do you mean 'disappear'?"

Rolling her eyes, Bungi said, "Geez, Lizzie, I thought you were smarter than this, but I'm beginning to wonder." When Elizabeth just looked at her questioningly, Bungi said with exaggerated patience, "Did you not just hear me? Hellooo! Fairy godmother? Remember? So, not only can I guarantee that you will win, but I can also make all the losers disappear in a cloud of smoke – forever. Or maybe they'll explode." She smiled conspiratorially. "I like explosions. That's one of the reasons I'm so fond of Jason." And her smile was, indeed, affectionate. Then suddenly she frowned and snapped, "Even if he _does_ worry way too much about The Danger. Did you catch how that was capitalized? Capital "The", capital "Danger"."

Elizabeth nodded, bemused. "I don't necessarily want them to get hurt, Bungi, but I have to admit, it would be really nice to have them … gone."

"You're too softhearted for your own good," Bungi insisted, "But fine, if you want it that way, I'll just send them to an alternate universe. Ratings hell, maybe," she mused aloud.

"Okay, that would work," Elizabeth agreed. "So I guess I'll just call Carly and tell her the good news. But do I have to tell her that she's gonna disappear when she loses?"

"Why would you?" Bungi asked agreeably, now that Elizabeth was on-board with her plan. "She'll probably try to cheat, so she deserves whatever she gets. Anyway, you'll be playing Texas Hold 'Em, and I'll be the dealer – Carly will think it was all her idea. She'll recruit me from the Haunted Star."

"Okay. I'll see you there, I guess. Unless you need me to do something between now and then?"

"No, don't worry," Bungi said airily. "It's all under control." She gave a trilling laugh, and Poof! In an iridescent flash, she was gone.

A week later, Elizabeth looked around the poker table. Carly had quickly suggested that they play tournament-style no-limit Texas Hold 'Em, with each of the four women starting with $10.000 worth of chips. Winner take all – or, more accurately, winner take Jason. That seemed as good a plan as any to Elizabeth, since they couldn't very well split him into four parts and play 'til one of them had the whole guy.

Now, Elizabeth decided that Courtney looked more stupid than usual, slackjawed and nearly drooling. It had quickly become clear that she had no idea how to play Texas Hold 'Em … or any other kind of poker, for that matter. At one point, she had yelled out "Blackjack!" and turned over her ace-ten pair. Not surprisingly, Courtney's stack was by this time, from Elizabeth's point of view, delightfully small. And with Elizabeth's current hand of queens full of aces, she was now confident that the rest of that stack would be hers when this hand was over. Especially when Courtney said, "All in!" on the river, and Bungi winked at Elizabeth. Elizabeth quickly called, and smiled happily when Courtney turned over pocket twos, which, with the cards on the board, made for two pair: queens and twos with an ace kicker. _Unbelievable, _Elizabeth thought, raking in her winnings. _She actually stayed in with a pair of twos? She deserves to be in ratings hell. _Even as she had the thought, Courtney disappeared in a iridescent flash.

Sam and Carly both jumped, startled. "Where did Courtney go?" Carly demanded.

"It's winner take all," Bungi reminded her. "So when she lost, she had to leave immediately. Those are the rules."

"Oh," Carly said. "But why didn't I see her leave?"

"Well, obviously, you weren't paying attention," Bungi snapped impatiently. She turned to Sam, who looked ready to speak, and said, "Don't start with me, Slutface. You weren't paying attention either. You were both too busy trying to figure out how to cheat effectively, which you can't because I exchanged _your –_" she glared at Carly "— marked deck for a new one, and its design is totally different from the kings _you_ –" she gave Sam the evil eye "— have up your sleeve."

Carly and Sam both sputtered, but since they actually _were _trying to cheat, there wasn't much they could do. Carly said tightly, "Just shut up and deal."

Bungi gave her an angelic smile and did as requested.

Another hour had passed before Sam put her last few chips into the big blind. Elizabeth glanced at her cards, surprised to see that she had the worst starting hand possible: 7-2 off suit. She glanced at Bungi, who looked unconcerned, then shrugged and folded. She watched with amusement as Carly busted Sam with a mere pair of tens. As Carly was celebrating her win, which gave her two thirds of the chips in play, Poof! Sam disappeared in an iridescent swirl. Elizabeth thought the swirl was a little over the top, even for Bungi, who seemed to like being over the top. Bungi glared at her just then, and Elizabeth wondered if she had spoken aloud. _No, you don't have to say it out loud, you dope! Helloooo! Fairy Godmother, remember? I can send and receive mental telegrams._

_Well, stop it, _Elizabeth shot back mentally. _It's distracting!_

_Fine,_ Bungi retorted. _Let's finish this._

_Fine._

Bungi dealt another hand.

Twenty-five minutes later, with the chips now evenly divided between them, Carly appeared smug as she glanced from her cards to the spread on the table. But Elizabeth wasn't worried. After all, with the eight of hearts that Bungi had just shown on the turn, Elizabeth had just made an ace-high flush. And with what was showing on the table, Carly was drawing dead. Nevertheless, Carly's voice was triumphant as she said cockily, "All in! And I hope you think I'm bluffing, because if you call me, Jason is mine forever!" Elizabeth was startled and glanced at Bungi, but the fairy godmother gave no visible reaction. Then she heard Bungi's thought: _I just figured you would enjoy the victory more if you knew she was mentally counting her chips before they fall, _and Elizabeth smiled to herself.

Carly said, "Make a decision, Muffin, are you in or out?"

"Oh, I'm definitely in, Carly," Elizabeth purred. She turned over her ace and three of hearts and smiled as the blood drained from Wonder-bitch's (she loved Bungi's nickname for Carly) face.

Carly stammered, "But … but I _have _to win! Jason is _mine_! I only wanted to play this stupid game to get rid of _you_. I didn't really care about that slut Sam or pathetic Courtney. They were never any threat to my relationship with Jason. You must have cheated! There's no way you could play poker that well. Not with your goody-goody muffin face –"

Elizabeth turned to Bungi and said, "Do I have to listen to this? Doesn't she have some place to be?"

"Of course," Bungi said. "I just wanted to make sure you are fully appreciative when I send her to ratings hell with Dumb-bitch and Slut-bitch."

"Ratings hell?" Carly interjected. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Oh, I promise, I'll be eternally grateful!" Elizabeth said cheerfully, ignoring Carly.

"Okay, here you go!" Bungi rubbed her hands gleefully, and with an iridescent explosion, Carly was gone. She grinned at the surprised look on Elizabeth's face. "Sorry, after listening to Wonder-bitch for three hours, I figured I deserved at least one teeny little explosion."

Elizabeth smiled. "Thanks, Bungi."

"Now, go collect your winnings! And don't make me come back here." And with an iridescent flash! Bungi was gone.

Elizabeth smiled and pulled out her cell phone. She waited until he picked up, then said without preamble, "Jason, I need to see you. Meet me at the safehouse in an hour. It's important."

As she hung up, she heard Bungi's voice in her head one more time, _If you ask me, you should just head on over to his place … If you hurry, you'll catch him in the shower! Naked!_

Elizabeth thought about that for a moment, then smiled. _Okay, Bungi, since you got rid of the three bitchy bimboes, I'll meet him in the shower instead._


End file.
